


Muse

by TheLokiPoki69



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Anal Sex, Artist Steve Rogers, Awkward Boners, Awkward First Times, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Bathtub Sex, Bed Sex, Bedroom Sex, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexuality, Body Worship, Bubble Bath, Couch Cuddles, Couch Sex, Crossdressing Kink, Dream Sex, Falling In Love, Fantasizing, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden, Forbidden Love, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, Gentleness, I Love You, Kindness, Light Dom/sub, Lingerie, M/M, Military, Military Backstory, Muses, Neighbors, Notes, Oral Sex, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Public Sex, Rimming, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Scars, Secret Admirer, Secret Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Shower Sex, Shy Steve Rogers, Shyness, Skinny Steve, Sneaking Around, Sneaking Out, Student Steve Rogers, Teacher Bucky Barnes, Teacher-Student Relationship, Virgin Steve Rogers, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 15:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10516137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLokiPoki69/pseuds/TheLokiPoki69
Summary: Steve swallowed and took deep, slow breaths. He looked up at the older man through his long lashes and said "You have no idea what you do to me.."The older man leaned in closer, making Steve's heart leap. He watched as Bucky's gorgeous eyes moved from his, before they landed on the blonds lips. Then he looked back up and swallowed. He leaned in more and softly asked "What do I do to you?"Steve let out a loud exhale and smiled nervously. He said "When you're around me....My whole body reacts...I can't think, I-I can't breathe...And after that, I can't stop thinking about you.."





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve loves Mister Barnes.

 

> _There is no place for grief in a house which serves the Muse._
> 
> \- Sappho
> 
>  

* * *

 

When Steve walked into the classroom, he hugged his books close to his chest. The only one in the classroom besides him, was his teacher, Mister Barnes.

Mister Barnes was is AP Lit teacher. He's very nice, very smart, and also incredibly attractive. Everyone at Shield High, loves him. All the girls and some of the boys, drool over him.

Even some of the female teachers want a piece of him. And Steve is among the flock of sheep that go heart eyes over him.

Mister Barnes was writing something on the board, when he turned to look at Steve. He smiled his beautiful smile and said "Good afternoon, Steve. How are you?"

Steve nodded and said "Fine...H-How 'bout you?"

His smile grew and said "I'm fine...Today, we're gonna be starting on _Antigone_ by Sophocles."

Steve went over to his desk and sat down. He said "Ohhhh cool..I-I remember reading that my Sophomore year."

The older man smiled and said "Yeah, I heard from your old teacher...Figured it would be nice to bring it back...Here."

He walked over to Steve's desk, and handed him the book. He smiled and said "This is my copy. You can keep it for now, if you want."

The younger boy smiled and said "Thank you...I'll take care of it. Wait, don't you need one?"

Mister Barnes chuckled and said "I'll just borrow on of the other copies I got. No big deal."

The blonde nodded as he watched him walk back to the board. Steve set his backpack down and that's when the older man came back.

He quickly looked to see if anyone was around, and then pulled something out of the pocket of his dress pants.

He handed the blonde a folded piece of paper, and quietly said "For you."

Steve looked at him confused, but nodded and took it from his hand. The brunette smiled and gently patted his shoulder, before walking back to the board. Steve quickly unfolded the note and read it to himself.

_**'I'd like to speak with you after class, about your paper. Nothing to worry about, meet me after class is over, please. -J'** _

Steve stared at the note in confusion, and lookd back up at the older man. He had his back to him, and Steve quickly folded the note up and stuffed it in his backpack.

~

Throughout the rest of the period, Steve's head was spinning. Mister Barnes was also his Journalism teacher, for the schools paper and yearbook. 

He encouraged Steve to write a new paper about some whispers going around the school. Which were that a lot of the boys on the Football team were using Steroids. And that one of the coaches could've been secretly providing the drug for them.

Steve didn't really want to, but James had comforted him and told him he could just put himself as anonymous, to help be at ease. But after the story went out, some of his fellow students are suspecting that he wrote it.

Steve's a big target at this school, for bullies. It's caused him to be very withdrawn, and he's very lonely. He doesn't have many friends, his mom became an alcoholic after his dad died, all he really has, is Mister Barnes. _James_. 

James is his only friend at this school. Other than that, he has no one. He mainly gets picked on for his size, he's short, and very skinny. Also, because he gets sick all the time, and has a lot of health problems. 

The paper came out just a couple ays ago, but it's already spreading like wild fire. Steve's afraid of what could happen if their suspicions were realized. He'd probably end up dead, unless he has James to protect him. And he feels like he would, with how kind and gentle he is with him.

He's a very nice man. He grew up in a rough part of Brooklyn, just as Steve us now. He was in the Military for awhile, as a Sergeant.

After that he came back, went off to College, and worked hard to get his Teaching degree. He obviously loves his job, and despite whatever horrors he saw during his service. He once told Steve he almost got his left arm blown off in an explosion while he was in Iraq. 

Thankfully, he didn't. But he doesn't talk about it much. But Steve wonders if he has any scars. If he does, he hides them well. But despite what he may have seen, he still remains kind. And Steve thinks that's beautiful.  _He's_ beautiful. And as pathetic and twisted as it sounds, Steve is in love. 

He's known since he first saw James. When he first smiled at him. A big, beautiful, dorky grin. He knew it was genuine. And the look in his eyes. Those blue grey, endless skies. That's when he knew. He's loved him ever since. He just wishes James felt the same.

After class ended, everyone left, but Steve stayed behind. Steve asked "I-Is everything okay?"

James smiled and said "Yeah Steve, I told you, nothing to worry about...I've heard some of the accusations against you, concerning your article.."

Steve nodded and said "Even being anonymous, didn't help...Everyone knows I'm on the paper, and there's not a lot of us...I'm afraid of what could happen...Nobody liked me before, and now-"

James said "Hey now, that's not true. I like you. And I'm sure there's a lot more people who like you too...And if anyone has a problem with you, you come to me, okay?"

Steve nodded and looked down. He smiled a little and said "Okay..." Then looked up at the older man through his lashes. "Thank you, Sir."

James smiled and said "I mean it, Steve...You don't deserve to be treated the way you are. You're too sweet...You ever need anything,anything at all, you come to me, and I'll be here." 

Steve nodded and smiled. "I know." 

 

* * *

 

When Steve got home from school, his mom was passed out on the couch. He shook his head and went straight upstairs to his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He changed out of his school clothes, and pulled out one of his many sketch pads. When he opened it, the first thing he saw, was James' face.

James has a wonderful bone structure, that's perfect for drawing. Steve has tons of pads full of so many drawings, Steve has other things he's put down on paper with pen, pencils, and paint brushes, but James...James, is his most beautiful subject. He has done quite a bit on James.

But Steve is not obsessed with James. James is the only one left who really gives a shit about Steve, or so he hopes. Steve is in love. Doesn't matter if James is his teacher or if he's under 18, Steve is in love.

 

* * *

 

The next day at school, Steve walked in and saw he was the only one there. His shoulders slumped in disappointment, and he went to go sit at his desk.

He had forgotten one of his folders he left in the desk, and when he reached in to get it, it was still there.

A few people started walking in, taking their seats. Steve's sadness washed away as soon as he saw James. He smiled and James greeted the other students who said good morning to him.

Then he looked over at Steve, and the blondes breath hitched. The older man had such an effect on the blonde, he has no idea.

James smiled and said "Good morning, Steve."

Steve nodded and smiled a little. He said "Good morning", and then pulled the folder out. He opened it, and saw a folded up piece of printer paper sitting in the front, in front of some of the papers that he had.

When he pulled it out, he unfolded it, and took a look. When he read it, he could've sworn his heart stopped.

 

 

 

> _**To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.** _
> 
> _**\- Frederico Lorca**_
> 
>  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's writing notes to Stevie?? :o

**_BUT MISTER BARNES, I SWEAR, I AM TRYING MY HARDEST, PLEASE DON'T CALL MY PARENTS, I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET MY GRADE UP, PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME ASJSDEFFSHADSW_ _*explodes*_**

 

* * *

 

Steve was confused e knows no one here would ever give him something like this, let alone notice him enough to wanna do it.

Maybe Brock and his friends left it for him. A sick joke. But then again, they couldn't combine enough brain cells to remember a quote, if their lives depended on it.

Maybe Peggy Carter did it. She's real beautiful. She's nice too, but she doesn't know Steve exists, so she's out.

The only friends Steve has are his friends Natasha and her boyfriend Clint. So obviously, they're out. Other than that, there could be no one else. And since it's typed, he wouldn't be able to possibly recognize the handwriting.

That's when he thought of James. James puts inspirational quotes up on the board every day. He gets crap from his students about it, but he'd always say the same thing. "Inspiration breaks us free from the enslavement of limitations. Break your chains a little more, every day." 

Steve is sure he thought of that on the spot, but he's never heard anything more beautiful. The first time he heard him say that, he wrote it down. Every day when he wakes up, he'd quietly say that before getting ready. Then before he went to sleep at night, he'd say it again.

It helps him. It really does. And there have been many _many_ times where Steve didn't wanna try anymore. After his dad died, his mom drinking, he doubted everything. He felt very alone, even with his friends. Steve worries they're not really his friends, cause he doesn't hang out with them outside of school, he's too shy.

The only things that make him happy are Art, and James. He's never talked to James about his feelings with his doubt, but he wants to. He's just scared of being judged. 

But James would never do that, he's a teacher. He's smart enough not to do that, he would never cross the moral boundaries with a student. Even if 

Steve is at the age of consent, James would lose his job and have to go God knows where, if he couldn't show his face in Brooklyn again.

Steve can't do that to him...But God does he dream about it. The older man has become a recurring variable of Steve's dreams, since they first met. And you wouldn't believe how quickly he goes through underwear from it. 

He feels ashamed sometimes when he touches himself, thinking about the older man. He thinks there's a special place in Hell for people like him, but he can't help it. And touching himself doesn't make him feel any less frustrated, he wants more.

He craves James, his body aches for him. But Steve can't do that to James, no matter what his body wants. James is a good man, and the blond is not ready to ruin his life for is own selfish needs.

But if not James, then who? But perhaps this note is the only one, and he decided to leave his folder here again, just to see. And if there's not a new one there, then it's only a one time thing.

 

* * *

 

The next day when Steve checked, he swallowed. There was a new one, folded up and sitting on top of the other folded note. And when he read the note, anxiety began to blossom in his stomach.

 

> _**There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.** _
> 
> _**-Mark Twain** _

 

Steve quickly looked up at James, who was writing on the board the last time he looked, and he still was. But he had stopped and had his head turned slightly, as if he wants to look, but doesn't dare.

He must have realized Steve was looking and quickly went back to writing, and Steve felt a knot twist and tighten in his stomach. 

During the period, he would sometimes look to see if James was looking at him. He's caught him looking a couple times.but he was careful as Steve's prying baby blues watched him, every chance he could.

When class handed ended, James said "Alright guys, don't forget, Parent-Teacher Conferences are tonight, I'd you can't make it, please let me know, and I will reschedule with your parents, whenever they're available. Aright, have a great rest of your day."

After everyone left, Steve quickly gathered his stuff, and hurried to the door, not looking at James. James asked "Steve? Steve, you okay?" 

 _No, I think you're leaving me notes about forbidden love and desire, all while you're my teacher_ , he thought. Steve stopped and looked back at him. But didn't keep eye contact. He simply nodded and said "Huh? Oh y-yeah, I'm fine...Just feelin' weird today, is all."

James nodded and smiled. And not a big grin either, a sweet, warm, _James_ smile. He took a step forward and said "Well I hope you feel better...Will your mom still be coming tonight?"

Steve said "Yeah, we'll be here.."

The older man's smile grew, and he said "Great. I'll see you then...Bye Steve."

Steve nodded and smiled. He said "See ya." Then turned and quickly got out of there.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one is shorter than the other, I got really busy today, and I felt like hammered shot, but the other chapters after of this, will be longer than this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The parent Teacher Conference. Then Steve dreams a little dream of Bucky ;) :p.

Thankfully his Ma wasn't drunk, and he had reminded her of the conference. When they got there, they had talked with a few of Steve's teachers.

His favorite so far was when his Art teacher said "Steve is a joy to have in class. Even if he doesn't say much, I can tell how passionate he is about his Art, and I think any Art school should be _dying_ to have him with them. His talent is wonderful, and he could do just about anything he sets his mind to."

And now it was time to talk to James. When they got to the classroom, he was speaking with some parents and their daughter.

Steve watched as he talked and smiled. _He's so beautiful_. He could light up all of Brooklyn and New York City. That's when James looked over and saw Steve. 

James' face lit up, and Steve couldn't breathe. No one has ever looked at him like that. The older mans stupid dorky grin will be the death of Steve. Steve smiled and quickly looked down.

When he was done with them, they left, and James stood up. He went over to them and he said "Steve, hey, glad you could make it!"

Steve smiled and then he turned to Sarah. He smiled and said "Ms. Rogers, nice to see you again, please, come in."

Both Steve and Sarah went and sat down, and James pulled something out of his filing cabinet. Then he sat down and sighed and smiled. He looked up at Sarah and said "Your son is a good young man, Ms. Rogers. I have nothing negative to say about him. He never gives me grief. He's completed every assignment I have given him since becoming his teacher, not one late or missing assignment. He's done very well with every test, and it's very clear that his grades aren't anything short of extraordinary. He's very bright."

He handed her the file that had all his papers and tests over the semester. All of them with 100%. Sarah smiled and she looked at Steve. She said "Oh baby, I'm so proud of you, look at this!" 

James smiled at Steve and Steve blushed. James pointed at Steve and said "You can do _whatever_ it is you set your mind to, Steve. Don't ever doubt that. After this, you have your whole life ahead of you. And I want you to do something _great_ with it. Because you can, I know you can." Steve smiled and so did James. 

James then said "He does have some issues with socializing and participating while in class, which is completely fine. High school can be scary, and I don't grade based on participation, it only matters if they remember the material. But other than that, it's been a pleasure having him in class, and I'm happy to be his teacher." 

 

* * *

 

Once they got home, Steve went into his room, and changed. While they had dinner, Sarah was telling Steve how proud she is of him.

She said "Really honey, it's great! You're doing so good, I'm so proud of you! We oughta celebrate!"

Steve smiled and said "Maybe Ma." 

She pointed at him and said "Don't "Maybe Ma" me, young man. You deserve it, you've worked so hard....Your Daddy would be so proud of you."

Steve smiled a little and nodded he said "I know." 

 

* * *

 

_When Steve got to school, there was nobody there. No one at all. But for some reason, he kept walking inside. He was sure it was Friday, and eveeyone should be here. There wasn't any holiday today, but he kept walking._

_When he found himself at James' classroom, he was in there. The door was open, so he went in. James smiled and Steve asked "What's going on? Where is everybody?"_

_James slowly stood up and said "Shhh. That's not important...I'm just happy you're here..." He stepped closer and Steve backed up. He kept backing up until his back touched the door frame. But this time, the door was closed._

_James sighed and said "I missed you.."_

_She reached out to touch the blonds face, but Steve turned his head. He said "James I-"_

_"Shhh...Call me Bucky. I prefer Bucky."_

_Steve nodded and said "Bucky I can't, I....I should go-" He turned to leave, but Bucky gently grabbed his arm. Waves of electricity shot through his body, as he blushed at the contact._

_He looked back at the brunette, and the older man swallowed. He let go of Steve's arm, and reached out. He gently caressed the side of his face and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb. He said "Please don't go.."_

_Every morally sane instinct Steve had told him to hightail it out of there. But he wasn't moving. Not that he couldn't move he could, but he doesn't want to. He simply nodded and muttered "Okay."_

_Bucky smiled and for the next minute or so, they just stared at each other. Bucky then shook his head in disbelief and he said "God, you're beautiful..." He then felt the older man's free hand rest onto Steve's tiny waist, almost to pull him closer. Bucky asked "Do you even know how beautiful you are?...You're gorgeous, Stevie..."_

_Steve swallowed and took deep, slow breaths. He looked up at the older man through his long lashes and said "You have no idea what you do to me.."_

_The older man leaned in closer, making Steve's heart leap. He watched as Bucky's gorgeous eyes moved from his, before they landed on the blonds lips. Then he looked back up and swallowed. He leaned in more and softly asked "What do I do to you?"_

_Steve let out a loud exhale and smiled nervously. He said "When you're around me....My whole body reacts...I can't think, I-I can't breathe...And after that, I can't stop thinking about you.."_

_Bucky smiled and that's when Steve closed the gap. Even though he's never been kissed, he didn't care. He couldn't take it anymore. As soon as his lips touched Bucky's, Bucky kissed him back._

_It surprised Steve, but he closed his eyes and sighed into his mouth. Steve felt all those butterflies flapping wildly in his stomach as they kissed hard. Steve gasped in surprise as he was lifted up off the floor, and the older man wrapping his legs around his waist._

_He pressed Steve further into the wall, pinning him there. Steve moaned into his mouth when he felt how hard the older man was getting, and Bucky smiled against his lips. He gripped the blonds waist and slowly started to roll his hips back and forth, making his hard on rub against Steve's through the clothes._

_The brunette pulled his lips away from the blonds, before diving in to kiss his jaw, moving down to his neck. Steve bit his bottom lip and held on for dear life. Then Steve said "Wait...B-Bucky wait...The desk, put me on your desk.."_

_Bucky smirked and said "Then you better hold on tight, baby." And he did hold on. He held on as the older man set him down on the edge of his desk, shoving papers and everything else out of the way so he could lay Steve down._

_When Steve did lie down, he watched as Bucky started unbuttoning his dress shirt, before pulling it out from being ticked onto his pants. When the last buttone was undone, Steve quickly pulled him back down, reconnecting their lips._

_Bucky smiled against him and started rocking his hips again. Steve whined against his mouth and he said "I've never-"_

_"Shhh, don't worry, I'll take care of you."_

_Steve nodded and they went back to kissing. But then Steve thought he could hear something. He quickly pulled his lips away and said "W-Wait someone's coming!"_

_Then he looked over and saw all the desks were filled with the people from his 3rd period class. They all started laughing, Brock, Natasha, Clint, and even Bucky._

_Bucky asked "You really thought I was gonna sleep with you?! Oh my God, you're so pathetic!"_

_He got off of the desk and quickly went to open the door, but it wouldn't open. He turned the lock, and nothing happened. That made them laugh even harder, and then they started chanting his name._

_"Steve!, Steve!, Steve!, _Steve!, Steve!, Steve! ,Steve!, Steve!"__

__He felt his chest constrict, and he could feel an attack coming. Then they started chanting louder."STEVE!, STEVE!, STEVE!, STEVE!, STEVE!, STEVE! ,STEVE!, STEVE!"_ _

 

* * *

 

He felt someone gently shake him awake, saying "Steve...Steve, hey, wake up." 

His eyes opened and he quickly sat up. He looked and saw all eyes were on him, people snickering and whispering to each other. A dream. It was all just a dream. 

He looked over and saw James. _Bucky_. He was standing right beside him, looking down at him. He gave him a worried look and he quietly asked "You okay?"

Steve nodded and said "Y-Yeah...M'Sorry."

The older man nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. He said "It's okay." Before going back to teaching. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky to the rescue. Steve decides to put the notes to the test.

During lunch, Steve was walking towards his locker, when he heard someone yell " _ROGERS!_ " He jumped a little and turned to see Brock standing there. He started coming towards Steve, and he looked _pissed_.

Steve's feet finally told him to move, and he quickly headed up the nearest staircase, praying that James would be in his classroom.

When he got to the classroom, his heart dropped. The door was locked and the lights were off. He quickly turned to go somewhere else, but another one of his friends popped up. 

The guy stepped forward and said "Stevie, Stevie, Stevie...You are in _a lot_ of trouble, buddy." 

Then Brock appeared and he asked "Where you running to, huh? You think Barnes is gonna save your ass this time?"

Steve backed up until his back hit the wall, and he looked down. Brock got very close to him and he asked "What? Got nothin ' to say now? Didn't have much trouble shootin' your fuckin' mouth off to the paper!"

Steve said "Please I-" and was cut off by Brock punching him in the stomach. Steve felt all the air leave his lungs, and he automatically hunched over. Brock quickly pulled him back up by his hair and then punched him in the face.

Then he pushed Steve down to the ground, and the other guy kicked him once, when someone yelled "Hey! HEY! Get away from him!" They kicked him a second time, before they took off running. 

Steve curled into a ball on his side and struggled to control his breathing and keep an attack from coming. The person quickly ran up to him, and that's when he saw it was James. He quickly dropped down next to him and asked "Steve? Steve, are you okay?" 

Steve nodded and James asked "Are you sure? Can you breathe?" 

Steve nodded again and he took a few slow, deep breaths to regain control. After a few minutes, he looked up at him and said "I'm good, I'm good...Thank you."

James nodded and said "I'm gonna take you to the nurse, okay? C'mon."

 

* * *

 

The bruise on Steve's face is already starting to darken. He has an ice pack pressed on it, and James was still with him.

He stood on the other side of the room, his arms crossed over his chest. Principal Fury had talked to Steve and is letting Steve go home. 

Steve asked "Did you get a hold of my Mom?"

Fury said "We tried calling her at her work, but she wasn't there. We tried her cell phone, and still, nothing." _She's drunk._

Steve sighed and said "I'll walk home." 

He then looked at James and said "Thank you...For helping me."

James nodded and said "No problem."

 

* * *

 

When Steve got home, he changed and took a look at his bruises in the bathroom. The face bruise was still darkening, and the ones on his stomach were starting to get dark. 

He didn't wanna go home, he wanted to stay and get through the rest of the day. Right about now, he'd be in his Journalism class, seeing James' beautiful face. Wanting to make him proud of something he's written.

He has those two notes he left in Steve's folder. If it is him, that is. He took them out of the folder, which he couldn't leave in his desk anymore, since he needed it. He has the notes tucked inside a hole in one of his pillows. His Ma was passed out, so he carefully took them out from the pillow, and read them.

 

 

 

> _**To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.** _
> 
> _**\- Frederico Lorca** _
> 
>  
> 
> _**There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.** _
> 
> _**-Mark Twain** _

 

So Steve decided it was time to really put it to the test. He decided to make something of his own, and sneak it to James tomorrow. But then again he's not 100% sure if it even is James. Bucky. Whatever. But why not try it anyways?

 

 

> _**I spin worlds where we could be together. I dream you. For me, imagination and desire are very close.** _
> 
> _**-Jeanette Winterson** _
> 
>  
> 
> _**You can have anything you want if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.** _
> 
> _**-Abraham Lincoln** _
> 
>  

 

* * *

 

 

So the next day when he walked into James' classroom, there was no one there. He quickly took the two small torn pieces of paper he wrote them on, and put them where only he would be able to see them.

He quickly took his seat and acted natural, while his classmates started to come in. He didn't type them, he wanted James to know they were from him. He wasn't afraid, he just needed to know.

When James walked in, he greeted those who were currently in the room. When he took his seat, he looked and saw where Steve had placed the notes. He set his bag down and unpacked it, quickly looking them both over.

Then he looked up at Steve, and Steve was looking back. He prayed it was him. If it wasn't, then he doesn't know what else to do.

Then he watched as he went up to write his daily inspirational quote. Steve couldn't see most if it from where he was sitting, but as soon as James was done, he moved and that's when Steve saw it. And the smile James gave him, a _knowing_ smile, all doubt was erased from his mind.

 

> _**You can have anything you want if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.** _
> 
> _**-Abraham Lincoln** _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WONDERFUL TENSION BUILDING!! :D.

Ever since Steve wrote those notes to James, he's never felt more anxious in his life. The way he looked at Steve before and the way he looks at him _now_ , the tension is killing him. 

This all feels like a dream, but it's not. He is in love with James Barnes, and that is real. And for some reason, James wants him...Or at least, Steve thinks he does. 

His feelings for James still go unnoticed by everyone else. They don't draw attention, they know how to act. Steve doesn't know why he caught James' eye, but he'd surely like to know. 

Steve isn't all that special. He's frail and sickly, and afraid of his own shadow. James is strong, despite his time in service. Steve's dad was in the military, and he said that no man comes back from it, untainted. No matter what circumstances, or what brance you're in. It changes you, challenges you, pushes you to your limits and further. 

He is a man who has seen war, cheated death, cheated an event that could have changed his life forever, and limit his abilities. But he came out alive, still all in one piece, and he's still kind. He is strong, he is a hero, he teaches and guides others, he is a real _man_. And Steve is in love with that man.

It's been a couple weeks since he left those notes for James. In which his favorite ones during that time, were two that every time he reads them, waves of excitement and more anxiety pumps through his veins.

 

 

> _**I'll always want him. Until every sun goes dark in every sky, until I am nothing more than long-forgotten cosmic dust, I will want him. And even then I suspect my particles will long for his.** _
> 
> _**-Ann Aguirre** _
> 
>  
> 
> _**I desire to be with you. I miss you. I feel lonely when I can't see you. I am obsessed with you, fascinated by you, infatuated with you. I hunger for your taste, your smell, the feel of your soul touching mine.** _
> 
> _**-Jack Llawayllynn** _
> 
>  

And at the end of the Jack Llawayllynn note, was James' phone number. Thankfully Sarah trusts him enough not to pry and check his phone. He saved the number in, but didn't put his name on the contact, just in case.

This set up is weird. All they've exchanged beyond the normal, platonic Teacher and Student relationship, are looks, smiles, notes, and now text messages.

But even then, Steve wants _more_. He's known James long enough to know he would be ready to let James take him. But he also hasn't known who James is _outside_ of school. He's never seen much of James outside of school, except a few rare bump ins at the grocery store and such.

He doesn't know what his favorite color is, favorite movie, music, he doesn't know who the real James Barnes is. But he'd be more than happy to know. 

If James wants more than sex, which is something Steve would definitely not mind having with him at all, despite his virginity, then he could learn more about him, and if he wants more than physical love, then Steve would be ready to give him everything. Fall more and more in love with him every day. 

Steve is old enough to know what he wants. Though life will obviously be different once he's out of high school, he knows what he wants. And he knows he wants James. And if James wants him the same way, then that's all that matters to him. 

They haven't texted much since Steve got his number. But one day after school, Steve got a text from him.

 _ **((**_ S- Steve J-James _ **))**_

_**J: Would you like to see me? I feel we have much to discuss, you and I. Is there any way you could sneak out, or make an excuse to your mom?** _

_**S: Yeah, I can. Where do you have in mind?** _

_**J: My[place](https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_6/ps.101/4/f/4/f/picture-uh=ab7f0c3180a05245730e6ca38c1920fc-ps=4f4fc166a709fe0b4bd8c2ba86a6f9d-1131-E-73rd-St-2-Brooklyn-NY-11234.jpg). You know where Bergen Beach is?** _

_**S: Yeah, I think so.** _

_**J: 1131 E 73rd st. Unit 2 :). I'll step outside when you get here :).** _

_**S: Okay :). I'll be there soon :).** _

 

* * *

 

All Steve told Sarah was that he was gonna spend some time at the library for awhile, and asked if he could have some money for the bus. He promised he'd check in often, and he was off.

The while ride there, he felt scared to death. He worried if the bus would stop at the wrong place, getting lost, if James had nosey neighbors since he lived in a duplex, his head hurt from all the thinking he was doing. 

But thankfully, the bus stopped at the right place, he thinks, and he got off. He texted James saying he was here and was looking for unit 2, and he quickly responded.

_**J: I'll come outside and wave :). You couldn't miss that :p. Just stay where you are, and when you see me, I'll go back inside and the door will be open :).** _

So Steve waited. After a minute or so, he saw someone step out of their place a little ways down, and Steve saw it was James. The older man quickly waved both arms up in the air, before heading back inside. 

Steve took a few deep breaths, thankful for his inhaler in his pocket, before walking again. He moved until he went up the steps to James' apartment, and quickly went inside, shutting the door behind him. 

His heart was pounding. He's surprised it hasn't exploded yet. He lied to his mother, and he's now inside the apartment of his English and Journalism teacher, and from the moment he closed that door, only God knows what could happen now. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen???? *GASP* :o. MORE WONDERFUL TENSION BUILDING! :D.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this one and the last chapter being short, I don't mean for them to be. I'll make the next one longer, definitely ;) ;*

When Steve turned around, his eyes quickly landed on the older man, who just sat down on the couch. He smiled a little and patted the spot next to him.

Steve took a deep breath and finally willed his feet to move, until he was sitting down next to him. He couldn't look at him because every time he did, his nerves just kept getting worse.

After a minute or so of silence, James softly said "Steve, you look like your head's about to explode."

Steve chuckled nervously and said "Y-Yeah, it feels like it is...Can I ask you something?"

The older man said "Of course."

Steve then looked at him and asked "Why me? Out of everyone you could choose from, why me?"

James sighed and said "I'm still figuring that out myself, actually... At first I felt utterly disgusted by the idea of taking advantage of you like that, I'm a teacher for Christ's sake, I shouldn't be thinking this way...But you, I just...I see something in you, I'm still not sure what. But ever since I met you, I've been figuring out what that thing is...I'm sure the will be a lovely place in Hell for someone like me, but I would never hurt you...Never."

Steve nodded and swallowed. "So...You've...Wanted me, since we first met?" 

James nodded and said "A little at first. But as time went on, it's gotten stronger...Steve, how old are you again?"

Steve said "17. I-I'm at the age of consent here, I checked."

James nodded and said "That's good, but even then if anyone found out, I'd lose my job and you'd get in trouble because of me."

Steve quickly said "I-I'd never tell anyone, I swear...I-If you want this, we'll be careful."

James nodded and said "I do want this...I want _you_. In many ways, more than just sex."

Steve blushed st the word _'sex'_ , and he nodded. Then he said "Okay." 

James smiled. And that's when Steve's eyes moved around the apartment. The [living room](https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps.101/c/2/5/c/picture-uh=e1b9da411bd94584a66f2f6d07e14546-ps=c25ca02fc53db0d23038df42ce7109d.jpg) was big. Not much on the walls, and not much furniture either. There was the couch, and a couple recliners. A big box TV that sat on a small stand, with some movies underneath.

Steve liked the way the [kitchen](https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps.101/b/6/f/d/picture-uh=ed641925ba743cedf2efaeeb20b31c09-ps=b6fd4b1af540fef11732d66dc22d19af.jpg) looked. The checkerboard tile floor, the cool [archway](https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps.101/c/1/d/1/picture-uh=adbb5c7e9a09ae06c5a31f29c3eed679-ps=c1d15983a4c416a0bdbdfb620c3abae.jpg) design looking into the kitchen, it just looked nice. 

James noticed and said "Yeah, it's not much...Ever since I moved back to Brooklyn, I knew I was gonna have to downsize...I'm surprised I can make ends meet with the salary I'm on now."

Steve nodded and said "I like it, it's nice...You don't see me being picky, do you?"

James chuckled and said "No."

Steve smiled and so did James. Then the older man said "You're beautiful." Steve blushed and James said "I'm serious Steve, you're _gorgeous_...Beautiful nside and out...Maybe that's what I see in you...But I see a lot of things in you. And I guess I got time to figure them all out."

Steve's smiled and said "It's funny...I was gonna say the exact same thing about you."

The older man smiled and Steve could feel his heart racing. They went back into silence until Steve asked "What are you thinking about?" Peeking up at the brunette through his long lashes.

James licked his bottom lip a little and said "How badly I wanna kiss you until you can't breathe...Which considering your Asthma, would more than likely be a bad idea."

Steve smiled and raised an eyebrow. He shrugged and said "Who says it is?" 

They both laughed and then the brunette asked "Have you ever been kissed before?"

Steve blushed again and slowly shook his head before saying "No." 

James shook his head and said "A damn shame...With lips like _yours?_ You should be kissed all..." Then he started inching closer. "...The..." And kept coming closer until he was a couple inches away from the blondes face. "... _Time._ " 

Just as he his mouth was about to touch his, Steve swallowed and said "Says the guy with the lips like _yours_...Have you seen your lips, lately?" 

James chuckled, not pulling away, and he said "Yes, I am aware of what my lips look like...But lately, I've been more worried about looking at yours." 

Before Steve could answer, those sinful lips he's dreamed about for a long time, were now finally on his own. Not a dream, not any of his classmates laughing at him, not James laughing st him, it was _real._

Due to the blonds inexperience, the older man kissed him slowly, feather light touches, but Steve could still feel it. He kissed him once, pulling back a little, but his lips still touching Steve's. 

He went the same pace, kissing him slowly, and Steve's entire body was burning. Steve used to hate never having kissed anyone, he felt pathetic. Natasha tried to make him feel better by saying a lot of girls and guys dig the whole sweet, inexperienced thing.

But Steve didn't wanna be that, he didn't wanna be the sweet, shy little virgin. He wanted to be someone who could kiss a girl or a guy. _Him_ kiss them, not the other way around. He hated it, but he appreciated that Natasha was just trying to help.

But now, he's being kissed by this _man._ And he's not laughing about how he's never kissed anyone. And right now, he doesn't care about the fact that this is the other way around, and that he's being kissed. 

That's when Steve actually remembered he was being kissed, and quickly started to kiss him back, hoping he wasn't screwing it up. That's when James pulled away and chuckled.

Steves frowned, then that's James said "Easy, Tiger. Don't worry, I got you." Then he crooked his finger at Steve and smirked. "C'mere, beautiful." 

Steve smiled and then leaned forward. It appeared that the brunette wanted the blond to kiss him this time, so Steve did. He slowly leaned in and started kissing him the way he did to Steve...Or at least tried to, anyways. 

But with the way James smiled against his lips before kissing him back, he thinks he's on a good roll. Steve felt the older man gently cup the back of his head, holding him there while they kissed. 

This still felt like a dream. A very vivid, very crazy, amazing dream. He's scared that since his eyes are closed, he'd open them, and everything would be gone.

But the moan that the brunette let out against his lips, was more real and hotter than all the sounds he ever made in Steve's dreams. And when he opened his eyes, everything was still there, and he smiled against the brunettes lips.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooooohhh I think mah glasses are starting to fog up, there must be some steam or something ;).
> 
> Yeah, I don't even know xD.

A short amount of time had past, but Steve had a pretty good idea where this could be heading. Especially since things were starting to heat up as they kissed.

Then Steve felt the brunette's tongue poke at the seam of his lips. Steve quickly parted his lips allowing the tongue to enter, and when he felt James' tongue touch his own, it felt weird. But it also sent chills down the blonds spine.

Steve mimicked the motion, carefully pushing his own tongue back against the older mans, and when he kissed the brunette again, he groaned against Steve's lips. That's when he pulled back. Those gorgeous pouty lips were spit-slick and swollen. His pupils had definitely expanded, and Steve's never seen anything more perfect. 

The brunette watched as Steve slowly lowered himself onto his back, being met with the soft cushioning of the couch. He slowly spread his legs, one hanging off the edge of the couch, beckoning the older man to come to him.

James asked "What are you doing?"

Steve was now confused. He quickly askd "What? What do you-"

"You think your first times gonna be on this couch? Forget it. If I'm gonna pluck such a beautiful flower, It's gonna be in a bed."

Steve almost moaned at that, and James asked "You do want that, don't you? Cause I won't touch you if you're not okay with anything."

Steve nodded and said "I want to. With you, I do." 

The older man asked "Are you sure? It won't ever be too late to change your mind, okay?"

Steve nodded and said "Okay. I want to, I promise."

 

* * *

 

James ended up carrying the blonde up to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. Just like his living room, his bedroom didn't have much. Besides his bed, a couple dressers, and some pictures of friends and family, that was about all to it with his room. Neat and organized, like a military man would be.

Steve didn't care, he liked it anyways. And now that his focus was back on the older man, he's never wanted anything more in his life. He gently laid Steve out on the bed, before standing up straight. 

Steve propped himself up on his elbows and watched at he peeled his shirt off, tossing it back. 

" _Oh my God_..." Steve said. James was beautiful. Big strong arms, well defined chest, a chiseled six pack, and oh God, a _'V'_ going down to whatever Heavenly treasure is hiding behind his jeans.

It was too much. Way too much, Steve could feel his chest tigthen a little, and he was afraid he would pass out. As soon as James got onto the bed, he slid himself in between Steve's open legs, and that's when Steve said "Wait. Wait, wait, I can't."

James quickly stopped and he asked "Steve? Steve hey, you okay?"

Steve nodded and took deep, deep breaths, slowly letting them out. James said "Oh shit, are you having an attack??"

Steve shook his head and said "No...N-No, I'm fine...This is just....A lot to process.."

James nodded and asked "You don't wanna-"

Steve said "I do, I do, believe me, you've got no _fuckin'_ clue how bad I do, but I just got spooked is, all...You have no idea what you do to me.."

Steve let out a loud exhale and smiled nervously. He looked up at him through his lashes and said "When you're around me....My whole body reacts...I can't think, I-I can't breathe..." Just like in the dream that turned sour.

He means it. Every word. No one elss has ever made Steve feel this way before. James has been one of the best thing in his life for a long time.

Steve was about to open his mouth and say something, when he saw something on the brunettes left arm. He moved his head and that's when he saw them. Scars. Small ones, bigger ones. Ones that are very thin, and a few ones that were wide. Almost like knife wounds, or shrapnel. He also saw what looked to be burn scars too. 

James did say he almost got his arm blown off, so he mustbe been burned and hit by an explosive. The blond's eyes quickly flicked up to James' face, and the brunettes was twisted in self consciousness and disgust.

He went to get off the bed, but Steve quietly said "Please." 

James stopped and looked at him confused, and that's when Steve reached out and gently brushed the curve of his shoulder, where tbey began. They started there, and ended almost to the sharp point of his elbow.

The older man watched as Steve laid lighter than feather light touches along the damaged skin, intrigued. Every other potential partner that had seen his scars, either looked at him like he was some kind of monster, or polietly declined and left.

And he's never gotten used to the stares of other people while he's out in public. Sometimes he wouldn't care, but others, he'd try hiding in jackets and sweaters, even while it was warm. James _knows_ the looks. But Steve isn't looking at him like this.

If not now, he might in a minute. So as the blond touched his ugliness with a delicacy and tenderness that is close to reducing him to years, he watched his beautiful face in awe. 

He doesn't know why Steve. And still doesn't know what he sees, but he knows Steve is a beautiful human being. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's so kind and shy, and fuck, does he just wanna hold him and never let him go. He'll gladly take that place in Hell, because he just wants Steve, and Steve alone.

Steve gave gentle touches to each and every inch of the damaged flesh. Just thinking of the pain he must have felt, and what they did after it happened, hurts Steve like a punch to the gut.

Keeping his eyes and his fingers on his scars, Steve softly said "You're beautiful.." Then those baby blues looked back at his cloudy skies. 

The brunette almost fell apart. He shook his head a little in disbelief, and then dove in, capturing the blondes lips in his own. It was soft and sweet, and Steve returned it, gently hugging the older man closer.

 

* * *

 

They were back in the living room, and James had his shirt back on. They hasn't said much since what happened in the bedroom, and they just sat in silence.

But James had Steve's hand in his. Slowly rubbing the smaller hand, tracing every curve and shape of the bone, and Steve watched. 

Then he quietly said "M'Sorry if I ruined everythin'...You can't imagine how many times I've dreamed about you, us...And it became real, and it scared the Hell outta me."

James smiled and said "You got nothin' to be sorry about, Steve...I was scared too...Was afraid of breakin' you...But if you think I'd get mad about that or blame it for you, you've got another thing comin', Pal."

They both laughed and Steve said "Thank you...Maybe next time I find myself here, it'll be different."

The older man brought the blonds hand up to his lips and kissed the back of his palm. Then he gave it a gentle squeeze, and said "You do it when you know you're ready. Don't be ready cause of me, Bucky Barnes don't play that."

Steve chuckled and asked " _Don't_ play that? Excuse me Mister English Teacher, I think you mean ' _Doesn't_ play that."

Bucky pointed at him and said "Hey, an error every once in a while, won't kill me. You hush."

Steve smiled and nodded. He said "Alright, _Bucky_...That's gonna take some getting used to, I'm so used to calling you Mister Barnes...Or James, but I've never said that one out loud."

Bucky smiled and said "You can call me Roxanne for all I care...I'm just happy I got to see you..." Then he leaned in and gently kissed the blondes lips.

Steve smiled against his lips and kissed him back, before saying "Me too." Before kissing him again. 


End file.
